Everything is changing, there has been so much stress and disappointment in our life lately. All people have challenges and tough times, I know everyone that I encounter is going through something. I even recognize blessings along the way. But things have been so crazy for my husband and I, we are just hanging on, no longer surprised by rapids, no longer trying to reach the shore. Just holding on to the boat.
In all of this, I recognize the possibility of a new beginning. So many possibilities. Its typical of me to make big plans to reform my life in every area only to forget (or give up) my grand ideas in less than a week. I want to be a better christian/wife/friend/employee etc., but how do I stay accountable to so many goals? I now have some spare time on my hands, it would be so easy to slip into a Netflix/junk food coma. I really don’t want that, it won’t accomplish anything.
Caring for myself is the last thing I want to do right now, especially when I don’t feel like I deserve it. It seems so boring to do the little things in life that keep us healthy and productive. That is what I have to work on first.
Will I write a novel, find my dream job or solve all our major genealogy mysteries? Will my house be perfectly organized and sparkling? Probably not. But I need to be consistant with something. I have to hold myself accountable to small goals like healthy food and exercise. I have to get healthy and overcome the stress monster. Maybe then bigger changes will happen.
I want clarity. I want quiet to discern God’s will for me. It won’t happen unless I make an effort. I am not usually successful with change. Journaling, telling friends, self-contracts, I’ve tried them all and they never work for me.
Last summer I started blogging my Whole30 journey and I had some success, which I lost when I stopped writing. Coincidence?
So, for the next month I am going to commit to documenting this journey hoping for insight along the way.